The system is killing my passion

I love connecting with patients, holding someone’s hand through the worst day of their life, being the calm in the chaos. I love the teamwork, the adrenaline, the science, the humanity. I love that moment when a patient smiles at you with genuine gratitude and you remember why you chose this path.

But lately, that passion has been buried under layers of exhaustion, resentment and moral injury.

It’s not the patients. It’s not the mess or the blood or the pain. I can handle hard days. I signed up for hard days. 

What I didn’t sign up for was being constantly short-staffed and expected to do the work of three people. I didn’t sign up for missed breaks, for unsafe ratios, for administration valuing “patient satisfaction scores” more than nurse well-being. I didn’t sign up to be blamed for a broken system I have no control over.  

I didn’t expect to feel so expendable in a role that’s supposed to be vital.  

I still care. That’s the hardest part. I still care so much. But caring is starting to hurt. And that scares me.  

Because when your passion turns into pain, when the thing you once loved starts draining you, when the job you gave everything to starts asking for more than you can give – it’s not just burnout. It’s betrayal.  

I never thought I’d say this, but some days I fantasize about walking away. Not because I stopped loving nursing, but because I’m tired of being in a system that doesn’t love me back.  

To the nurses out there silently drowning – I see you.  

We’re not weak for being tired. We’re not failures for needing boundaries. And we’re not alone in this.  

Maybe one day, nursing will be what we hoped it would be – what it could be – if the system finally listens to the people who keep it alive.  

Until then, I’m trying to hold onto the love … and protect the little pieces of myself I still have left.

Note: The comments expressed here do not necessarily represent the views and goals of ONA.